We’re Still Family

“We’re Still Family” Book

still-family-book What Grown Children Have to Say
About Their Parents’ Divorce

What is the real legacy of divorce? Constance Ahrons, Ph.D., author of the highly praised The Good Divorce, decided to find out by expanding her landmark study to include in-depth interviews with 173 grown children whose divorcing parents she had interviewed twenty years earlier. What she has learned is both heartening and significant.

In We’re Still Family, Ahrons challenges the myth that children of divorce are troubled, drug abusing, academically challenged, and unable to form adult relationships. Instead she provides new evidence that the legacy of divorce is not as devastating as some researchers have suggested. Major findings show that:

Most of these young adults emerged stronger and wiser in spite of–or perhaps because of–their parents’ divorces and remarriages.

The majority were very clear that their parents’ divorce had positive outcomes, not only for their parents but for themselves as well.

More than half felt that their relationships with their fathers actually improved after the divorce. While their new families of stepparents and half-siblings may look different than other families, the majority of these young adults feel connected to the family members who make up their world.

Divorce is never easy for any family, but it does not have to destroy children’s lives or lead to family breakdown. By listening to the voices of these grown children, divorcing parents will learn what they can do to maintain family bonds. They will find helpful road maps identifying both the benefits and the harms to children postdivorce. Parents need to be comforted by the truth about divorce and not threatened by alarming misinformation and overblown worst-case scenarios. And they need to believe that after all is said and done, their children will look at their post divorce families and say with conviction, “We’re still family.”

Read an Excerpt from “We’re Still Family”
Imprint: HarperCollins; ISBN: 0060193050; Format: Softcover; Trimsize: 6 x 9; Pages: 304

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Praise for We’re Still Family

“A more nuanced picture of divorce, one that defies sound-bite conclusions… Constance Ahrons is generous, wise and pragmatic.” ~ San Francisco Chronicle


“We’re Still Family will comfort divorced parents and their children—and discomfort those who believe divorce is consistently negative for kids.” ~ USA Today


“‘We’re Still Family’ makes a strong case for divorce being a complicated experience, one that children, given help, can cope with.” ~ Boston Globe


“Ahrons reminds parents it’s not the quantity of time they spend with their child, but the quality of relationship they establish: reliability, consistency and genuine interest in their lives are what matter most to children . . . Ahrons’ supportive guidebook should aid anyone trying to make a “good divorce” better.” ~ Publishers Weekly

“This essential book challenges the common view that divorce destroys families and irrevocably harms children. Dr. Ahrons, a skillful therapist and gifted researcher provides a new, more accurate vision that shows us how real families shape their lives after divorce. The voices of grown children speaking about their parents’ divorce are compelling, and this practical book is filled with good advice for helping divorced parents and two household families tap into unanticipated strengths.” ~ Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., Author of Fear and Other Uninvited Guests; The Dance of Anger


“This book is a gift. If you are a parent involved in a divorce, go out and buy a dozen copies. Give one to every person who persists in urging you to stay in a dead marriage for the children’s sake–and ask him or her to read it and support you in ensuring that your children grow up feeling secure and loved by both parents. With her long-term unbiased research, Ahrons has shown that it can be done.” ~ Mary Catherine Bateson, Author of Full Circles, Overlapping Lives


“Here is the REAL story of divorce for today’s rearranged families. Filled with solid research, it will hopefully put to bed the incorrect conclusion that divorce results in the demise of the family.” ~ Vicki Lansky, Author of Divorce Book for Parents and It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear


“Insightful, wise and honest, this longitudinal study is an important addition to our understanding the family after divorce.” ~ Warren Farrell, Ph.D., Author of Father and Child Reunion and Why Men Are the Way They Are


“A genuine tapestry of life following divorce. Woven into the fabric, we discover the resilience of grown children and expanded definitions of the meaning of family. This is required reading for those contemplating divorce, recently divorced, or long-divorced; adult children who experienced divorce; clergy, mental health practitioners, teachers and policy-makers.” ~ Evan Imber-Black, Ph.D., Editor, Family Process and Director of the Center for Families and Health, Ackerman Institute for the Family


“This engaging, eminently readable book is not only a contribution to current debates over the long-term impact of divorce, but an important piece of social history that will be consulted by scholars for many years to come.” ~ Stephanie Coontz, author of The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap


“Drawing on her landmark, two-decade long study of the adult children of divorced parents, Dr. Ahrons, one of this country’s foremost authorities on marriage and family therapy, offers sound, sensible advice about how divorcing couples can promote their children’s well-being after a marriage dissolves. Invaluable reading for anyone who has been divorced or who has experienced their parents’ divorce.” ~ Steven Mintz, John and Rebecca Moores Professor of History, University of Houston and Author of Domestic Revolutions: A Social History of American Family Life


“A welcome surprise for contemporary families who will learn that divorce does not have to destroy families nor damage children. Without the usual stereotypes or clinical biases, Ahrons documents the complexities of divorced families from the responses of the children of divorce, now grown up with families of their own, and tells us what works and what does not.” ~ Pauline Boss, Professor, University of Minnesota and Author of Ambiguous Loss


“Grounded in scientific research and years of clinical experience, a leading authority on divorce presents a compassionate and refreshing antidote to doomsayers who exaggerate the perils of divorce. It is filled with insights and advice that will pay huge dividends to divorced parents and their children. If you want the best for your children, read this book.” ~ Richard A. Warshak, Ph.D., Clinical Professor of Psychology, University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center and Author of Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond From a Vindictive Ex


“With clarity, compassion, insight and humor, Dr. Ahrons gives us a blueprint to follow so that children can thrive and even flourish as they emerge from divorce, become adults and start their own families. We’re Still Family beautifully presents solid research that answers questions that have plagued families and clinicians alike!” ~ Lois Braverman, President American Family Therapy Academy and Author of Women, Feminism, and Family Therapy


“We’re Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents’ Divorce, by eminent researcher and therapist Constance Ahrons, is a wonderful book. It is based on the author’s highly regarded longitudinal research on divorcing families and is enriched further by her extensive clinical experience. This book should be required reading for all divorcing and divorced parents and the professionals who work with them.” ~ Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., Author, Mom’s House, Dad’s House


Read an Excerpt from “We’re Still Family”
Imprint: HarperCollins; ISBN: 0060193050; Format: Softcover; Trimsize: 6 x 9; Pages: 304

buy-now-red2 in paperback & Kindle ebook
amazon-logo-2     amazon-kindle-logo     barnes and noble logo